My Big Sister

There is no better friend than a sister.

My big sister and I have not always seen eye to eye.
It may have started at birth and been exacerbated when I shipped her things to the attic the moment she left for college to reside in my own room. It would be safe to say we spent some time stirring the pot.
My big sis said something very wise to me awhile back.
She said, "Andrea once I figured out that your going to do your thing and I'm going to do mine it was much easier just to accept each other for who we are". Or something to that effect.

Acceptance: Accepting who we are and accepting others. This may be the greatest task of siblings. The task of telling us when we are crass, full of ourselves, or when we need to take a risk.

A sibling can be your biggest cheerleader and your toughest critic at the same time.

My big sister has a unique power over me.
A simple joke from her lips can bring me to tears, as can a thoughtful gesture.

I care for her so fiercely that for a long time I hurt her by trying to change her point of view. I don't even remember about what we cared so much about. But that is not the point. The point is we were meant to be together on this path. Blessing each others journey.

Recently our childhood friends lost their sibling too young. The heartache reminds me not to take our time together for granted. I hold my sister longer when I see her and try to find time to check in with her more. Because she is a blessing.

My big sister has a big heart.
She loves fiercely. She reminds me so much of our stubborn grandmother at times.
Someone who will defend you no matter what and not care a spec of what others think.
She would also break through walls to protect an animal in need.
She is precise, on time, and meticulous about plans (something I am not).
She is a good friend to so many.

Thank you Dannette for being you!
Thank you for being a big sister to Dawn and I and all that it entails.

On your birthday, I wish you JOY!
Joy in your heart, in your space, in your understanding.
Blessings on your year!

Make a difference

While cleaning out 40 years worth of our families attic a few treasures were found.

This box of magnets given to me by a dear friend is one.

He was a fellow camper and then a fellow camp counselor with me when we were 18 years old.

He took the time to send a package of magnets that would have been waste and to write a beautiful letter telling me that I make a difference.

I know I read this letter 18 years ago and I was touched.  I was probably moving from one college to another and put it in the attic to use them when I had an idea.

Many things happen for a reason.  Timing amazes me.

Now, 18 years later, I needed to hear these words again.  I need to be inspired by my younger self and the friends I've made.

I've been thinking lately of the irony of this 36 year old (me) waiting tables with 21 years olds.  And it is for the same reason that this letter was rediscovered.  To remember the passion, conviction, and determination, of the age.  And to reclaim some of that.

So I chose to create.  I spent a lovely evening winding down after work with art supplies and Christmas Ale. And I now have lovely inspirational quotes for gifts.

In this time of Thanksgiving I am so Thankful to have the ability to reflect, to love, and with my own hands to create.

Music to my Ears

Sometimes I think I am intended to distill some of the *dogma surrounding Waldorf education. It is something I constantly do in my heart and mind. It makes my heart hurt when one aspect of the philosophy sends people on a different path. Yet, I find myself surging through these struggles often.

Music was something I took out of my life temporarily for the sake of my babies senses. We talk a great deal in Waldorf education about the world of tone. One of my research papers in my undergrad study was based on tone, the devachian tone, and the Essence of the music we experience as we sleep and while awake. 

I can truly say that I grew up believing I did not have a musical ear.  I was in the band in middle school but somehow as a young adult forgot to read music and lost the desire to sing my own tune. Then when I became a Waldorf teacher I taught myself to play the recorder and learned each song on it in order to sing to my class. My mentors were all musical and somehow I realized I could sing.  When I was completing my Waldorf teacher training I realized the afternoon singing and madrigals were some of my favorite times.  Right now I can think of our group held together in a beautiful room filled with our voices and it brings me great joy.

Somewhere in this discovery and joy I also took on a bit of the dogma.  Those ideas that somehow sneak in and we live with them without questioning.  So in the guide of protecting my babies senses I did not play other music.  Of course I would sing. Lullabies, nursery rhymes, little tunes I made up... But I did not play music for me, and rarely had the chance to sing with others.

On a particularly difficult 2 hour drive with two littles I turned on ENYA. Everyone was quiet, joyful, peaceful. They loved the ethereal music filling the car.

There was a little whisper in my unconscious: joy. Joy by music alone.

Weeks passed maybe months...

I was given a Bluetooth speaker which amplifies Pandora beautifully.

And all of a sudden impromptu dance parties evolved in our kitchen. Dinner preparation and clean up became more joyful. A transitional mood changer was reborn in our lives.

Such joy that could have gone undiscovered.

To be honest: I've always loved femle folk. The culmination of lyrics of love and deep womanly tone brings joy to my heart.

And when Mama is Happy : 

Everyone is Happy.

*From Wiki:

Dogma is a principle or set of principles laid down by an authority as incontrovertibly true.^[1] It serves as part of the primary basis of an ideology or belief system, and it cannot be changed or discarded without affecting the very system's paradigm, or the ideology itself. The term can refer to acceptable opinions of philosophers or philosophical schools, public decrees, religion, or issued decisions of political authorities.^[2]

And sometimes the boys take apart the couch while I listen to music in the kitchen!

Wide open spaces

Wide open spaces are so important.

When we are having a rough day we sometimes "escape" to an outdoor space.

It is amazing to me how our moods are lightened by the air, beauty, and sky that surround us.

I was just talking to a friend the other day about how much we are outside. I feel off schedule if we have less than 2 hours outside a day. Usually it is spent playing freely, building, caring for our animals or exploring.  At the very least (in really cold weather) we go out for a half an hour in the morning and again in afternoon.  But often we find a place that we love and spend an hour or more exploring it.

Our favorite open spaces in order of pictures:

Downtown Kent along the river

The Akron Zoo

Chase park in Kent

The Tree park in Hudson

Our Back yard

Beckwith Orchard

The fox den (the woods a short walk from our house)

The Green at 1st and Main in Hudson

Our neighborhood

Apple Flowers

I relish the newness of food when it is in season.

We grow tired of apples in the spring. They store so well they are one of the only fruits we always have in late winter and spring. In early summer we rarely eat them.

And then the first apples of the season are so juicy and delicious.  My boys eat the peels, devour them, and they love choosing a variety from the bowl on the table.

Apple dip: a variation from my mother

My mom adds raisins. We do to sometimes, but the less chewy variation goes over better with the little ones.

1/4 cup smooth organic peanut butter

1/4 cup applesauce

2 tablespoons honey

Mix well. Place a dollop in center of dish. Press each apple slice ( flower petal) into dip.

Devour.

Paying it forward

Yesterday started OK. I was up late sewing and may have been just a little cranky as a result. We had planned to make the 2 hour trip to Grandma and Grandpa's for a very exciting adventure.  The dig date for their new abode was Tuesday.  We did not go down with runny noses in the pouring rain and decided instead to journey on the most beautiful day of the week, Thursday.
I had bags packed and almost everything set out, but I was a bit rushed (or groggy) getting us in the car.
I did not pack a snack or even water to drink.
An hour into the trip, after being stopped by construction traffic, and slowed by a wide load, I was hungry and the peace in the car seemed to be waning.  Little guy said, "Mama can I have some water?". And then I felt like a neglectful mother.  I couldn't even pack them some water...
We got out at a rest area, really because I had to go.  Both boys can hold their bladder better than Mama these days.  They got a sip of water from the drinking fountain and we continued on.
Still hungry, we approached the half way mark, and a Starbucks drive thru.  I knew Grandma was preparing a big lunch for us and thought of what I could get just to tide us over.
As we pulled up to the sign to make our order, little brother says (with a drooling mouth looking at the big picture of a sandwich before him), "Mama can I please have the sandwich with Swiss?".  I order my iced coffee, two ice waters, and the small package of shortbread cookies. I explain that grandma is making us lunch, we just got a little cookie to tide us over.
Then I approach the window and realize I left my traveling cash at home. The only cash I have is a $10 bill destined to be the tip for the lovely lady who will fix the color of my grey henna frizz. I pull out my debit card to give to the young man at the window.
He hands me my coffee and says, "Your order was paid for by the car in front of you" (with a smile). I said, "Really? That was really kind.  Did they say why?" (I realize I didn't even see them just vaguely a white car in front of me. Then I think, Did they see me apply the lavender oil roll on before searching for my cash? Did I look stressed? Sad? Or did they just do this for whoever was destined to come behind them)  He said, "They didn't give a reason, they just did".  I said, "I will pay it forward".

My bill was approximately $4.00.  An amount large to some and quite small to others.
The amount or the quantity is of no importance to me.
It was the gift given, just because and it made my day.
Through the next detour I was not bothered. I was elated and happy; thinking of how strangers did this kind deed for me.  It still makes me smile, the synchronicity of life.  A gift given when I needed a little lift.

A day that began a little off turned around quite nicely.
We arrived at my parents house , had a nice lunch, and then went to the farm/work site/ new house...
The boys continued to play for hours outside with their grandparents beside them and I went to have my hair transformed.

I haven't necessarily paid it forward, unless sharing a few secrets with my stylist, like making yogurt counts.
As I shared the story of the day some of my dear friends told me they paid it forward the same day.
What a small world we all coexist in.

Anniversary Foodies

In the early stages of our courtship my husband and I ate our way through Carmel.
We laugh about this now, I wouldn't change it one bit. For a semester of my bachelor's work I worked at a coffee shop in the morning, read and typed in the afternoon and then went to dinner with my guy.  I didn't pay rent for this small portion of our time so I paid for food.  So really I worked at the coffee shop and spent my savings on fancy romantic dinners in one of the most romantic places on earth.
We would get dressed up, have a cocktail, walk around Carmel by the Sea, have dinner, then walk on the beach until we could drive down Carmel Valley Road to our tiny temporary home.  It was so much fun and you could say educational in the area of food.
We had our favorite places around the Central coast.  DiGiovanni's and Piatti's being two I recall. My husband always partial to quaint Italian restaurants.
We don't eat like that much anymore.  Childcare, money, time, all seem to be hard to come by.  So when our 10th wedding anniversary (15 years since eating our way through Carmel) came along I longed for the quaint little Italian restaurant.  By some miracle we found it.

Guiseppe's Restaurant in Northfield is the most exquisite food I've eaten in NorthEast Ohio.
I put on my twirling dress and the boys had an evening with Nana and Poppy.
My husband and I headed out on a sensory experience that took us back to our early days.
It was refreshing, romantic, and fun.
The evening also reminded us of the things we do really well together: Create beautiful children, and talk, eat, and create wonderful food.

Eggplant:  Sometimes I think I'm the only one who loves eggplant. I had it as an appetizer and for the main meal.  Every bite was wonderful. I even got a look of amusement from the woman at the next table as I described the flavors yet again to my husband.  He agreed the food was wonderful.

We will see if he reads my blog with this picture.

Sending Light and Love through Anger

I am really angry about Ebola spreading.
I am angry that the CDC led people (nurses, doctors, cleaners) to believe they were safe treating ill patients.
I'm really upset that they allowed someone within direct contact of a sick Ebola patient to travel.
I'm infuriated, but I'm sending them LIGHT and LOVE.
They have a lot more to do and I hope they will do it with grace.

I have mixed feelings for the nurse who traveled to Ohio possibly carrying Ebola.
She cared for a patient who was dying, believed that by following hospital protocol she would not become ill, and then may have carried this horrible virus to her loved ones.
I'm mad at her for being selfish and attending the wedding.
She may become deathly ill and has a long road of pain to overcome.
I am sending her LIGHT and LOVE.

When I was 8 months pregnant with my first child I decided not to go on a family vacation. I really wanted to be at the beach and be with my family. I did not however look forward to the 14 hours of travel in a car. I decided not to go. I received some flack from my family. There were feelings of me being over cautious. It turned out two weeks later it was suggested I lay low on the couch and drink plenty of water due to low amniotic fluid in my womb. It was a wise decision to be cautious for my unborn child.
We can never know the outcome, but we can try to make wise decisions. I hate to live in fear and not live, but sometimes missing an event may be sad for a short time but a small sacrifice for the health of others.

Because this nurse traveled, so many other people have been affected. Events cancelled. Schools closed for cleaning. A whole flight of passengers placed in a state of not knowing.  Fear. Caution.
I am sending them LIGHT and LOVE. 

Today I'm thinking about all of the people involved, those who have read the news, for my friends and loved ones, my coworkers, and the people who are yet to contract this virus in our country and over seas.
I am picturing LIGHT and LOVE encircling them and praying that this too shall pass.

In my own selfishness today, I encircled myself and my little ones with LOVE and Comfort.  I coated my boys in coconut oil mixed with On guard essential oil.  We baked cookies, continued our bonfire in the rain, roasted wet hot dogs, and drank warm tea with cookies to warm our bodies and hearts.
And I will keep sending LIGHT and LOVE!

Fall days 2